Today I was named "Scab of the Year" by the Writer's Guild of America. I considered it a compliment, but wondered how they knew I got scabies from that Castro District Motel 'Cot and Stomp'. But no one texted, e-mailed or considered to tell me we were going on STRIKE. Even my assistant Shoshanna who has access to my Sabbath courier pigeon did nothing. So, unknowingly, I went ahead with my scheduled meetings via my Armani Blackberry Pearl.
Imagine this. Me elated. I had just signed a multi-million dollar deal with Paramount Classics for my scripted romantic comedy, "Alkoholika". I was sooo ectastic I did one of those jumping side click kicks, and was pleasantly pleased with my soft landing.
But upon arrival at the Paramount Studio gates I was mobbed by striking union writers. They shouted defamatory remarks, hurled tomatoes at my abdomen, and, to really piss me off shot a poisoned arrow through the rib cage of my beloved Pomeranian, Shue-Shue.
Aaron Sorkin pulled on my ascot and screamed: " 'My name is Jessica Hodges, and I'm in the third grade, and this is my question: What's your favorite part about being President?' Bartlet replies. 'I'm doing it right now.' I wrote that!"
I was quick to blame. "You killed Shue-Shue for that wickedly witty, fast-paced sentimental dialogue?!" Sorkin replied, "No, Boo, you did. It's your blog. You wrote it." [Pause.] "So noted," I huffed appropriately adjusting my ascot back into its Cocolupa knot. Then Bruce Vilanch chimed in, "Panache!" for no reason.
Meanwhile, my beloved Shue-Shue lay twisted and writhing in a pool of blood. Soaking the concrete like a spilled Slurpee, and do you know what I did? I let them watch. Yes, It was tough for me, but harder for them. I held the intellectual property rights, and they could not write about it! In addition, it was my dog and my poisoned arrow.
Tomorrow I have meetings with Jeff Zucker, Sherry Lansing, Michael Lucas, Harvey Weinstein and Lorne Michaels. I'll let you know how everything goes.
Yes, my name is Beckett Boo, Esq. and I'm a fantastic opportunistic.
Beckett Boo, Esq.
Cat Entertainment Blogger Extraordinaire!
SIDENOTE: BECKETT BOO, ESQ. SUPPORTS THE WRITERS GUILD OF AMERICA STRIKE. THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR SALE.