Der Unfall ist auf der Kreuzung Passiert! (English Version)
Today I arrived post haste via my black stallion carriage to Burning Spear's concert at the Hollywood Bowl. Burning Spear is a Grammy Award winning Jamaican roots reggae singer also known for his Rastafari movement messages and, of course, being Britney's grandfather. So it was good to see her, Small Fry and Tater Tot.
My assistant, Shoshanna, begged for an extra ticket. She, finally, confessed to being a Jewish Rastafarian. I was wondering why she hadn't washed her hair since I hired her. But, I got her a ticket anyway. Section V2. Far. An early Christmas bonus.
The night was a haze. A lot more white people than I would have liked, but, alas. I think I got what is commonly referrred to as a 'contact high'. I was so happy, free and less moody that I actually tried to speak to "the locals". I introduced myself to a German concert goer named, Digrib. She introduced me to her pals Atrebor, Hcaz, Divad, Deraj, Nais, Ttirrem, Sirhc and Mark. All wonderful people and considerate Germans. Except for Mark.
Mark is a considerate fellow, but no German.
I tested him by asking, "Wie geht es Ihnen?"
(How are you?)
He replied, "Zair goot."
I questioned, "Letzten Sonntag blieb ich zu Hause."
(Last Sunday I stayed home.)
He responded, "In der Nacht wird es kalt"
(It gets cold at night.)
I retorted, "Ich bin gut in Chemie."
(I am good at Chemistry.)
He implied, "Der Unfall ist auf der Kreuzung passiert."
(The accident happened at the crossroads.)
I finalized, "Ich möchte zwei Ananas! Entschuldigung Sie bitte."
(I would like two pineapples. Excuse me.)
Then Digirb and I left Mark and searched for two pineapples. Somehow, people thought we were being racist. I was. Digirb wasn't. She was a lovely sweet pixie German girl wearing Dutch Adidas. She had red ponytails, and sold aspirin as ectasy. Quite a profit. I liked her ambition. Good person too! I'm sure if she were Oskar Schindler she would have bought many Jews.
If Digirb found the pineapples I requested I would certainly fire Shoshanna. But, Shoshanna, had me by the balls. All three. Photos of me. Audio converstaion. Private diaries. The password to my blog. She could put me in the poor house. I'm being blackmailed. Help. If you've read this far.
So, we returned to our garden boxes when Burning Spear invited me up to sing a duet of "Jah Say". I obliged much to the demand of the zealous crowd. When we got to the harmonies I bit my toungue to quell my vibrato. It may have made me sound "pitchy". But, I'll check You Tube tomorrow and see for myself. I felt like I was sitting by the pool on a Carnival Cruise line, but docked and obliterated. Everyone told me the next day I was singing with my back to the audience, and my pants were backwards and my fly was open. Perhaps, there won't be a You Tube post afterall. Note to self: Call lawyer.
I felt okay to drive, and I did. Right into a concrete barrier, and over a 50 foot bridge. It sounds cartoonish, yes, but it happened. Luckily, I'm alright ' cause I can write what happens to me. Unfortunately, Shoshanna did not make it. She died horribly smushed by a fender in the skull and a heavy bag of used moist towelettes.
[I'm alive, asshole! - $ho$hanna]
So, I have a heavy schedule flowing ahead. That's sounded menstrative. But, I'll be out of town for a time, and Audio Blogs will be arriving in late August! After I airbrush them.
Amen. Goodwill toward all of Mankind.
P.S. - All my blogs are copywrited by U.S. and International Law. I'll sue you, and insure that your families future geneology is extinct. Cheers.
Beckett Boo, esq.
Cat Entertainment Blogger Extraordinaire!