Today I did 8000 push-ups with Justin Timberlake and Nas. It was a contest. I won by 7850. Kelis was cleaning their "grilles" in WD-40 and sipping on a wheatgrass. I exfoliated and shed twenty ounces in thoses 3 minutes. It was fun - to sweat. We dined at Sushi Samba and got mobbed by the 'people'. Justin apparently dropped some wasabi near his gonads and all the girls and gays went ga-ga over who was going to sell the soiled napkin on Ebay.
I detest Ebay. Two of my Golden Globes are now 'missing' because of that trade site. The Globe for my Guest Starring role in the TV Movie "Within the Doubt" starring Danny Glover and Timothy Busfield and my Globe for, of course, for my comic turn in Seinfield Episode 17.18.
But, I can only blame myself, for after a night of diabolical revelry I auctioneed the Globes away myself. Also, I was double-dared by Michael J. Fox, and you cant say no to anyone who (saving the MJFox jokes for a more appropraite time) worked with Justine Bateman. I got some pocket change ($$$$$$) from the Ebay auction, but was fined by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. It's my Golden Globe anyway. The ESPN Awards didn't mind that I sold my Golden Parachute Award. My "fine" included 40 hours of community service cleaning heroin needles of Screen Actors Guild Actors; like Natasha Lyonne and The Culkins. It was nice catching up and learning the "street lingo" for things. Other than that I did what I had to, got out and landed a Lancome Commercial Campaign.
Then I went to the premiere of Katie Couric boooring newscast. She looked great, although her lavish highlights did "bring me down". I enjoyed the 'Free Speech' forum, the Cherrios commercial I Tivo'd past and my Suchenn Mojoito. We partied after Katie premiere briefly, but I had to be in Rome by noon so I left early.
Now I'm in Rome on my piazza o'erlooking Pompeii. Roman and Gorash will be here soon. I'm just sitting here waiting for my facial moisturizer to soak in. I think I'll work on a postcard next. Maybe a haiku.
Fooosh! There's a knock at the door. Dammnit, I put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on.
I'll peak through the peephole to tell you who it is. Hold on.
[ Endless Pause.]