Guess the Celebrity

- Hello, (Celebrity Name Insert), it so grand to see you. I love that purple chenille scarf. It works magic with your dark features.

- Beckett Boo, you hot, cool cat. Oh my G-d, I read your bi weekly blog all the time. I haven't seen you since the premiere of (Major Motion Picture Title Insert). That was, like decades, ago. You look great. Do you wanna do some blow?

- No, but thank you. Last night I was hold up in a snowstorm with MK and Ashley Olsen, if you catch my drift. Let's just say, "I'm good." But yes, that bitchin', 80's rock 'n roll movie you were in back in the mid 80's. I had the movie poster as a young teen.

- Well, I don't know where my brother is, but I'm not gonna wait. But keep an eye out for me.

- No, pleeeeeease, go ahead. I'll keep a keen eye.

[Celebrity snorts cocaine.]

- Well, that was quick (Celebrity Name Insert). I haven't see snorting that fast since I was at Michael Eisner's White Party a Go-Go VIP Room with JC Chasez and Alan Cumming cramed in a bathroom. Boy was Alan pissed drunk. In fact, I think he pissed on JC. I left the room at that point. The door locked, and that's all I'm saying. SO, tell me about you new movie.

- Yes, yes, uhm, yes. The TV Movie. Well, it a TV movie about a TV show, uhm. (She laughs uncomfortably). I play an executive and, well, it's about how a network televison show is made. Sigourney Weaver is in it, Judy Greer, David Duchovny.

- But, (Witty Celebrity's TV Show Famous Character's Name Joke Insert) that's all small potatoes to what you've accomplished beside your two emmy nominations for [TV Series name Insert].

- Yes, I actually have very busy career as a fashion designer. You can visit my web site at

- Oh, no, no, no (Celebrity Name Insert). We must save the suspense. We can't gve to much

- Anyway, good luck to you. Thank you for the casual celebrity interview. By the way, is the purple chenille scarf one of your design creations?

- No, I bought this at Bloomingdales. I gotta find Jason. It was so good to see you again. I need some water.

- Jason's pitching Darren Star a new show in the gazebo. Oh, girl, so good to see you.

[We embrace warmly.]

- Thanks, thanks. Uhm, okay, bye. See ya. (She stumbles off.)

Then she vanishes into the sea of d-list celebrities. She finds her brother who just found out about his television show cancellation. I walk past and hear them pitching each other ideas for a project together. She dangling a martini in one hand, and he's passing a joint to Eliza Dushku. Her chenille scarf falls behind her. I look up to the sky, and at that exact moment a star beams and meets the glimmer in mine eye. I reach over to the chenille scarf and pull it toward me. I tuck it into my lap.

I call the valet poolside, and tip him to have my lamborghini by the pool door exit immediately. I exit into the dark alley, swoop into the car driven my my housekeeper, Marisol, and began texting this blog into my blackberry with the comfort of my new chenille scarf.

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